Sunday, January 27, 2008

Imagined Monologue

"Listen son, I want to eat chocolate for dinner as bad as the next guy, but you got to learn to git some green on that plate. Problem is is that them greens don't git you the way the peanut butter cups do, boy. Don't look so nice--all leafy and stuff--and don't taste much better neither. Boy, I shudda never let your mother raise you, youdathought it was Halloweeen at that gaddamm woman's house e'rey night. Yes sir, around here we eat them greens, whether we like it or not.

"I read in the newspaper these scientists did a study to prove that we have a natral dis-po-si-tion towards sweets. Shit, I could have told them that, saved them the time! You see boy

"The problem is, you not full-grown. If it was up to you you'd be belly-up in sugar e'rey morning. Now that your mother's gone, it's my job to raise you, cause you gad-dam-right as rain can't do it yourself. I'm your father, and you ain't old enough to know what's right and what's wrong yet, cause nobody done taughtcha. Now it's my job, and I sure as hell always do a job right.

"Who taught me what's right and wrong? Why, my pappy of course! And who taught him? His pappy. Boy, it goes all the way back to Adam and Eve to when God was saying 'Do this, don't do that.' And He was saying it so we'd grow up strong and happy. But just like you boy, them two wanted that sugar something bad and even God wasn't strong enough to keep them from plucking that fruit. But he gave them a mighty toothache after that, boy. Smarted something fierce!

"And now here we are in the kitchen--me with the switch, you with your hand stuck in that cookie jar like some kind of Pooh-Bear. And I'm afraid this is how it's done, boy. The Church may be like your di-et-i-tian at school you go to--"advising" you what to eat, what's good for you and what's not, what makes your teeth fall out, what makes you live to be a hundred gaddamm years old, those old men in those funny hats writing rules but not making you do nothin'. But I ain't your Church, boy, this ain't your mother's house, and here you do what you're told because I know what's best for you. Don't they show Pa-Peye no more on the t-v? Now there's a gaddamm example for to follow, if you won't follow mine."

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