Friday, December 5, 2008

Chchchanges

I have been struck with the "omgwhatamidoingwithmylife!?" recently. I have started sending out resumes to local Catholic colleges for campus ministry positions with the hopes that something would materialize by next fall. I want to stay in the area. I am okay for money for a while but would like to know that I would be able to do something worthwhile, something I want to be doing, sometime in the near future.

This lack of control is humiliating, in the sense that it inspires humility. I don't know where my life is going or what I'm supposed to be doing. I am completely dependent on God for my future while having to actualize it myself. I am scared, nervous, though I shouldn't be, if I had faith that God had something in store for me. Reading Mother Theresa's letters, my own issues and fears wilt like dying flowers from the radiance of her trust in Providence.

I have also decided to sell the bus. It is a very good bus but I do not want to live in a bus. It would have made more sense for me to know that before I bought and converted a bus...but I wouldn't have known until I did it. I have a guy coming to look at it on Sunday. When I thought, "I'm going to sell the bus," it seemed right. Poor bus, so much love and attention and publicity, only to be passed off to some guy...

1 comment:

jpmgm said...

o did you sell it?