Tuesday, April 14, 2009

letter to D (excerpts)

hey there,

i am proud of you $weety:) way to take charge of your finances.

today was a better day at work. i put in notes from yesterday into the computer and had some things to keep me busy. i am starting to be more comfortable at my job. i also substitute tutored at the learning lab and met up with a friend from college who also tutors there, we had tea at my place afterwards and had good talk.

one thing i realized today is that i really have been making an idol out of rosemont. nothing is promised, and i need to stop living in the future, but in the hear-and-now...at my hum-drum job, in germantown, with being unsettled, and to be 'content in all things.' reading the book by fr. walter ciszek that lindsay gave me also has been affirming in this. listen to what he says:

"Our dilemma at Teplaya-Gora came from our frustration at not being able to do what we thought the will of God ought to be in this situation, at our inability to work as we thought God would surely want us to work, instead of accepting the situation itself as his will. It is a mistake easily made by every man, saint or scholar, Church leader or day laborer. Ultimately, we come to expect God to accept our understanding of what his will ought to be and to help us fulfill that, instead of learning to see and accept his will in the real situations in which he places us daily.

The simple soul who each day makes a morning offering of 'all the prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of this day'--and who then acts upon it be accepting unquestioningly and responding lovingly to all the situations of the day as truly sent by God--has perceived with an almost childlike faith the profound truth about the will of God. To predict what God's will is going to be, to rationalize about what his will must be, is at once a work of human folly and yet the subtlest of all temptations. The plain and simple truth is that his will is what he actually wills to send us each day, in the way of circumstances, places, people, and problems."

That really spoke to me. Accepting where I am--not where I might be--is what God is really calling me to right now. So I am letting Rosemont go. If it comes back to me then I'll know. Your coffee cup told me so;)

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