Thursday, July 16, 2009

Thought clips

In talking with my dad the other day he (lovingly) made the allusion that I had somehow 'missed the boat,' when it came to preparing for my future career-wise. I didn't disagree, but it was hard to hear all the same. I had spent my summers traveling and having adventures while my brothers got internships; I picked a major that required the least amount of credits to graduate while my brothers took majors that would actually lead to jobs. I spent time falling apart while they held it all together. It's hard not to feel like the black sheep in a way.

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And now I am 29 working a dead-end job I don't like, one which makes me think about quitting every day, and wondering what doors my masters degree has really opened up for me. I'm tired of the city. Let me say right now that I am complaining, and I realize full well that many others have it much worse and that as usual I am looking at the glass half empty. Not being where I want to be in my life, feeling like my best days are over, I think, is not such a unique thing. It is the plague of many twenty-somethings. I do try to work on being grateful for what I do have, and hoping that it is all a matter of perspective. Which I think it is.

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I realize I have not been writing as much. It feels like 'life has gotten in the way' of creativity, has pushed out dreaming for lack of room, has stymied pie-in-the-sky faith and coated it in the nitty-gritty gravel of real world problems and difficulty. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Lack of time is no excuse for not writing. Lack of inspiration....maybe. I walk by the homeless with nary a look these days. Faith is proven under pressure.

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I got a card from my mom today in the mail. It was the only piece of mail in my mailbox. It was just a note saying that her and my dad were proud of me, and that everything will work out. I got choked up. Having such supportive parents...that is definitely something not to be taken for granted. Thank you God.

2 comments:

Regina Terrae said...

"feeling like my best days are over"

HA ha ha ... 13 years older than you, my best days are yet to come, I know! (yours too)

Amapola Nieves said...

Hi, Rob! I like this post. You're a great writer! Your writing is very honest and brutal, which is rare. A lot of honest writing gets too sentimental and a lot brutal writing can be overly sardonic. I've been trying to get myself to write something serious, but I have "the block". Anyway, I thought about your book project and thought maybe I would come by here and see how it was going. I don't really know anyone else who blogs. Maybe I will get some inspiration to write myself. I've been thinking of maybe joining a writing group. Do you know of any?

From my perspective, sometimes I feel like I have to write, not that I really like it, or dislike it. It's almost like a bodily function. And when I can't write it's a lot like being constipated.

I'll leave you with that beautiful imagery. Good luck with the writing! Have a great weekend!