Sunday, September 19, 2010

Trust me.

I started a new job recently. It seems to be going well, a bit dizzying with all the meetings, appointments, and orientations I have to attend. Long hours, lots of travel, and a packed schedule. It is taking some getting used to (esp. having to wear a tie every day), but I think it will be good. The university is putting a good deal of stock in me, trusting that the person I portrayed in my interview is who I am delivering to them. They have given me business cards, a name plate for my desk, a sizable office with a window, an email address, a salary, a territory, assignments, expectations, etc. If I were to quit suddenly and unexpectedly, I would in many ways be screwing them. Betraying their trust to deliver on what I promised.

My wife has also put a lot of stock in me, trusting me with her heart and her very life, not to mention the joint checking account and legal prescriptions. All this responsibility all of a sudden! It is a little unnerving for someone who has generally shied away from it most of his life. I generally want the good without the bad, the office without the responsibility. But I don't think it works this way.

In all honesty, Deb and I haven't gone through any major struggles yet in our marriage; I'm sure our trials are still to come. But I have a friend who is going through his first major trial with his wife and it has gotten me thinking about this issue of trust and betrayal, how fragile trust is, how great a responsibility it is, and how great the need for forgiveness in a marriage.

We are not perfect people, especially us men. I can't imagine going through the course of my marriage and not making any mistakes. There has to be forgiveness for a marriage to work. This doesn't make it any easier to restore a trust that has been betrayed. As much as I trust Deb to be there for me, I trust her to forgive me even more. I know that if I eff up, I won't be fired. There are no 3-strike rules in our marriage.